I never know from where it comes, nor when, nor how
I get no symptoms, I get no signs, but it crashes over
Foaming at the front in its dark, unforgiving weight
Forcing me to close up
To become the ‘other’ me.
The one she dosent like. The one that causes the pain, the fights, the awful fucking air in the home.
It barrels through me like a torrent of hate filled black liquid, chilling my soul to an uncaring
Sometimes I want to give up.
To become something I’m not…
Ot pilf ym efil dnuora yleritne
Then it rises up. Up and up, dragging my thoughts with it as I get angrier And ANGRIER UNTIL EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY IS SCREAMING IN MY HEAD, FILLING ME WITH A WHITE NOISE
That quietens suddenly.
Emitting silence and neutrality towards everything…
I wish I could apologise.
Apologise to everyone that ever suffered at my turns.
But more importantly, I wish I could apologise to her.
She takes everything that happens. Holds me when it becomes too much and I explode.
Silences the rage inside with a smile.