30 weeks.
30 weeks minimum.

Possibly more, but around that time.

Wow do I miss it.
That little 5-10 minutes of nothingness
The crisp burning sound in the silence and peace of the night.
That orange glow that erupted with every drag, casting it’s light across the environment when dark.

It’s familiar tickle
Down into my chest
Stretching as I breathed
Raising my heart beat
Quietnening my head with its soothing
Taste
Texture
Very thought of it

I don’t struggle.
I have not caved
I can sit next to a smoker and think nothing of it
I’m lucky in that aspect
Lucky that it hasn’t been stronger
Lucky that I haven’t caved into its craving
No matter the stress
No matter the time nor the location

No matter if the sex was fantastic.
I stayed the course and resisted the little white sticks of leaf and (in some cases)
Wood coloured chips.

It’s been hard
Like missing an old friend.
Yet here I stand
Smoke free
Non addicted
Not craving nor climbing the walls nor scratching at my face with a headache.

Simply wishing for a postcard that says
“I miss you just as much.”
But I know that won’t happen.

Just know that I miss you,
You poisonous lil bastards.

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11 thoughts on “Well, I do miss it.

  1. Congrats and seriously enjoyed this – because you really are in touch with the emotional connection and intimate side of smoking / I quit almost 3 decades ago – it took me four years on and off – four years but I never gave up even when teased by colleagues (i.e. “She’s quitting again) and I even tossed out a pack to reassemble broken ones – it was something I loved so much – which you depicted here – and well – it was the grace of God that helped me do it – and it was days of juice fasting that also helped – which I did for other reasons – but see it helped break things up!
    Anyhow – congrats – oh and you are a great writer -!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I didn’t realise that it would mean this much to people, congrats on making it so long without them haha.
      People tend to forget that it’s a release, even smokers sometimes.
      My wife gave up as soon as she found out she was pregnant and I quit to support her.
      I couldn’t carry on doing things she couldn’t like that so yeah… off they went!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh that is so good that it is going so well! And to be honest – my journey was easier because cigarettes were making me sick! It was the late 80s and brands were adding chemicals and I could feel it – but actually in hindsight (gotta love the hindsight clarity) I see that my body was sensitive to chemicals as a teen and young adult because I needed a gut cleanse – ha! Anyhow – best wishes and congrats again! To your wife too!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A whisp reaches my nose then is caught by the olfactory nerve, my eyes flutter, I breathe in and realise if I still smoked I wouldn’t have smelt that alluring scent. And on I walk never looking back. 😇

    Liked by 1 person

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